I‘ve missed you guys. Maybe some of you have wondered where I’ve been?
Well, truth be told, I’m not even sure if I know where to begin… so let me start at ONE.
ONE year.
One.
Whole.
Year.
One year since our family of five became a family of four.
One year since I said goodbye to the best job in the whole entire world.
One year since our hearts broke in two.
One year.
“In this world, you will have trouble…”
John 16:33
Nothing could have prepared me for the text message that I would receive in the middle of the night on Friday, March 14, 2014. It was as if in one single moment, every prayer, every fast, and every act of obedience over the last seven years had just slipped away…
Gone.
As if they had never happened.
As if they didn’t even matter.
As if they weren’t even real.
NUMB.
All eyes were on me. Those of my three children, and countless others who I had been blessed to point in the direction of my Daddy.
What would I do?
“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…”
Joshua 24:15
I had only ONE choice.
In three words…
I.
Would.
Die.
I would just die.
It was the only thing that I could do.
I would die to every bit of pain that made me wish I had never loved him.
I would die to every bit of hurt that made me want to get even.
I would die to every bit of anger that would cause me to get ugly.
I would die to every bit of bitter that would keep me from my Daddy.
I. Would. Die.
Again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute… second by second at times.
I didn’t need to ask my Daddy why I was so rejected. He already knew all about it.
““Crucify him!” they shouted.”
Mark 15:13 (NIV)
I didn’t need to ask my Daddy why there was such injustice. He already knew about that too.
““Why? What crime has he committed?” asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, “Crucify him!””
Mark 15:14 (NIV)
I didn’t need to ask my Daddy how come? Why me? Couldn’t You? Why didn’t You?
He just knew.
““Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.””
Mark 14:36 (NIV)
My Jesus was no stranger to suffering. He knew all about pain and injustice. He willingly took on all that was unfair, uncalled for, and undeserving. He knew exactly how I was feeling.
Could it be that in that moment, I was just like Him?
Not even close.
I am the ONE who broke His heart.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV)
All my righteousness is HIS.
Every victory is HIS.
My obedience is HIS.
All the good I’ve ever done belongs to HIM.
In the midst of the anguish and the grief, once again, I saw me and I realized that my Daddy had brought me too far to give up now and that He was everything good about me.
“…and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then…”
Ephesians 6:13-14 (NIV)
And so I stood. And so I stand.
I AM IN BONDAGE.
I am a prisoner.
A captive.
I am a lifer, refusing to be set free and bound to my hope, who is my Daddy, believing that He is already working this out for my good.
He is already turning my situation around.
He has already shown up and shown off, and He is just getting started.
“Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.”
Zechariah 9:12 (NIV)
This is not where my story ends.
My story is far from through.
And while I may not be able to see how the broken pieces will come together, I know the ONE who has already WON, so I KNOW I am a victor too!
With Love,
My Daddy’s Girl
* One of the amazing ways that my Daddy has shown off this year is in allowing me to finish my book. I’d be blessed and honored for you to read it. Click on the picture link below to purchase your copy today.
Love this Angela. You are such a amazing strong person, who I am blessed to have in my life. X0X0