Some days I feel like more of a mess than I do a masterpiece.
Today is one of those days.
It would be easy to write about this life and tell you that mine is Instagram perfect, but that just wouldn’t be real.
I have days when my frame feels too big and my self esteem is too small. Days when I don’t think things through and I’ve over committed my time. Let me not neglect to mention those days when I’m short on patience and long on complaints, when I forget to check over details or I say the wrong thing. And I can’t fail to mention when my laundry is piled high and my trash is starting to smell.
Yes, I have those days, and they’re often accompanied by an unwelcome companion that likes to whisper, “You’re not enough.”
You. Are. Not. Enough.
I’ve never really been enough. Damaged. Unworthy. No good. Stupid. Fat. Selfish. Those are just a few of the names I tend to hear. I don’t need the sound of others to know my flaws. My self talk can do a pretty good job on it’s own.
Feeling not enough is familiar, and in fact, it’s becoming OK. Not because it’s OK to self hate or wear labels that aren’t true, but it’s OK to not be enough.
Because I’m not.
You see, when I’ve got it all figured out…
When I’m the one with all the answers and I always do the right thing…well, I don’t really need anyone, not even Jesus.
The truth is, I’ll never be perfect. There will always be a chink in my armor, a mess that needs to be mastered and something broken that’s in need of fixing. I’m always going to fall short and there’s a mistake lurking around every corner. I’m never going to be enough, and I’m OK with that, because that’s what helps me see how much I need Jesus.
I’m thankful for the days when I’m a mess. For the moments when my prayer is just a whisper and all I can manage is, “I need you, Lord.” That’s when my mess becomes His masterpiece.
In fact, when I realized I needed Him, Jesus gave me some new labels to wear. Ones like loved, chosen, adopted, favored, redeemed, forgiven, and perhaps my favorite, made perfect in Christ.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Father,
Thank you for being more than enough for me, and for Your all sufficient grace when I fall short. I love you with all my heart.
In Jesus Name
Completely my thoughts this week! <3
It is so uplifting to know that I am not the only one feeling just like this. If we would only fall on our knees and og to GOD when satan starts on our worth would we be so much better off. Thank you for always being a blessing to me. Melissa hoots